I started listening to Bjork. I was an instant fan.  I haven't really had time to listen to much music these days.   But I took some time out today to listen to some of  my Bjork collection and after all this time, her work still sounds new to me.   I think its more the lyrics than anything else. But none the less, I feel like doing something different in my journal today to express how I'm feeling right now.  Well at least how I feel about going into 2006 and looking back at some of the social changes I've made in my personal life over the past two years.

Essentially for 2006 , I'm on a mission to get some serious work done.  Focus more on me and what I need to do for me.  Get more into the good book. And keep working on my marriage and keeping this family afloat.   As for the social changes...I've really cut ties with some major emotional vampires so to speak.  Some times I get a little lonesome for the fact that the phone doesn't ring nonstop and the going out and breaking night at Diners down town happens far  less than it used to.   But  1.I got married!  And 2.I had long been tired of the madness, drama, and miscellaneous bull sh*t and random verbiage of people who had nothing better to do than gossip or complain about things that just don't matter.  Hence I ask myself why I miss it sometimes.  I guess because that's just human nature.  At times in your life you travel in packs. At a different time in your life you nest and or move in a social circle of real living breathing thinking adults that you have real things in common with.  I have reached the latter.

I guess haveing a birthday not too long ago also has something to do with it. AND having to be a parent...AND having to be completely, totally responsible all the time...AND having no privacy...AND not being able to sleep in on days off. But whatever, in retrospect, I really wouldn't want to go back to19,20 21,22... I was a lil wild back then. But I do cherish the memories. Even though I was the "Mommy" all the time; got drunk friends home, pulled loose friends out of night club utility closets from up under sleazy guys...I still managed to party hard. I do not miss the hangovers, heartaches or struggles.  I suppose I did what your supposed to do at that point in your life. However, I'm glad I had the sensibility to be the first of my pack, to leave the pack.  Granted I met my now husband and joined up with a different more mature pack, which we have since stepped away from and into our quiet circle of friends. But the point is life just keeps on keeping on... growing up.

On the upside I think that the woman I am today would really enjoy talking to the young lady I was then.  And I think that the young lady I was then, would really enjoy talking to and learning  a sh*t load from the woman I have become.  And one way or the other all this chattin would go down at the funkiest little lounges and restaurants because THANK GOD I have always had great taste! And one of the many things that we would have in common would be our appreciation for this song.

Okay, so this wasn't supposed to be a stroll down memory lane. But screw it! And I think I'm going to revisit this "theme" of who I was and who I am again either in this journal or some other terribly creative way.  Anyway, this song is speaking to me. 

Bjork
(Post)

stand up
you've got to manage
i won't sympathize
anymore

and if you complain once more
you'll meet an army of me

you're alright
there's nothing wrong
self-sufficience please!
and get to work

and if you complain once more
you'll meet an army of me

you're on your own now
we won't save you
your rescue-squad
is too exhausted

and if you complain once more
you'll meet an army of me