Okay so lets just nix the last entry and call it a fluke.  I spoke way too soon.  I did it again, I wanted to see only the good and the promise of better and I got snow jobbed....BIG TIME.  The step daughter...she pulled a major stunt last night. And here I sit today declareing that I've had enough.  As it were, my husband and I had a nasty, nast blow up yesterday.  On that alone I was ready to leave.  But I didn't, I just got still and calm and focused on the big picture, the picture where we eventually work everything out and get on with a good happy life.  The picture is so very pretty, not perfect, but pretty none the less.  However, the reality is that I married into a majorly dysfunctional family.  No one is exempt and my nerves, my spirit can't take any more.

The long and short of it is that last night my 15 year old step daughter decided not to come home.  Around 7 last night my gut told me, as usual, that something was going to go down.  It never fails with these kids, everytime I get that feeling they pull a stunt.  Well she showed her ass in a serious way.  As much as my husband started to believe that she was dead somewhere, all I kept thinking was she is very much alive and well and makeing some kind of twisted statement.  Mind you, a call came from school giveing a bad report yesterday.  Did she know she was going to be questioned about it?  Probably.  The report card came home earlier this week, we alrady voiced our concerns about what could have been better and we heard the excuses, but it was no biggy.  The question is , Why?  why did she not come in when she was supposed to?  Why did she see out phone calls on her mobile, hear our messages and not call?  Why did she call my sister in law this morning with a bull shit story, yet still not call us?  Why does she do the things she does?  Why do these kids know truth and hear deseprate parents on the phone and in stead of tell us what may give us some peace...lie and  tell mixedup stories that make no sense?  Why? Too many whys for me.  I'm tired!

When you add everything up it comes down to this, my step kids feel that since I'm not their real mom they don't have to listen to me.  My husband underminding my authority doesn't help. Him  verbally assaulting me within their ear shot only makes it worse.  Him leaving me to deal with HIS kids shit on top of the shit that we have to deal with as a couple...I can't anymore.  It's always something, it never ends and it just gets progrsively worse. They thrive on this evil drama and angst I don't.  The like to pretend that it's all good once the moment has passed yet do nothing to address the issues. This is their mess, it goes way back to before I even knew they existed.  So WHY should I have suffer and sacrifice my life?  I have no interest in being a marter!  None at all, and I will not be.   So many details, no time to get them all out of my head.

I can't believe that I am here in this mess!  It's time to get out of it. 

(To be continued...)